'Til Kids Do Us Part'? Do We Truly Understand What We are Saying? : Part 2


One of the things that newly married couples and young parents don’t realize is the amount of stress that having children can put on a marriage. Before offspring come along, and when is just you two, there are ample opportunities to go out on a “date”, or get together with friends, for husbands to go to football games with the guys or women to lunch with girlfriends!  It’s all hunky dory because you are relaxed and able to enjoy either alone time, together time or friend fill-ups whenever you please! It can all get scheduled in rather nicely and easily.

Then come the kids and life as a couple changes dramatically because you are suddenly a family with little ones to consider.  Not only is there an abundance of paraphernalia to keep in mind for getting out the door, but there are feeding schedules, napping schedules, and other considerations...Unless you are wealthy and can afford babysitters constantly, your social life can come to an abrupt halt as you try to figure out your schedules around baby. Furthermore, if mom is nursing, that is another complication in the equation of time! Bottles, grandparents, sitters, work demands...all of it suddenly makes things difficult when it comes to time together ~ refreshing, being intimate, connecting and catching up on your marriage.

The very real danger that rears it’s ugly head is that you can start to drift apart, spending disproportionate amount of time in your roles as mommy and daddy, and not enough energy and time in your roles as husband and wife.  John Rosemond, world renowned family psychologist, calls this “til kids do us part” and it’s no laughing matter.  So often, we get dangerously caught up in the dramas and daily grind of home life and allow the days to consume us as we tackle the mundane aspects of getting through each day. Sooner or later, the marriage will start to suffer.  It happens every time, if you put your relationship as husband and wife on the back burner! None of us want to look at each other after our children are grown and fledged and say “Who are you?”

The key is realizing that the best gift you can give your children is a strong marriage! Only when you are convinced of that fact and committed to making it happen, will you stave off the doldrums and stagnancy of a withering marital relationship. If you pour yourself as a mom totally into your kids, not only will your husband get frustrated, but he may start to wander, with the excuse that he isn’t getting what he needs at home! That is a tragedy. Don’t let it happen.  Vow this new year to revitalize your marriage, no matter what it takes, so you can all rest assured that everyone is in your family to stay...there’s no more important New Year resolution to make!  What New Year's resolution are you going to make?