In Rosemond’s own words: “What’s happening in America with teens is that the pigeon has come home to roost. For their first thirteen years, our children have been served hand and foot and micromanaged. They haven’t seen leadership in the home, no one has demonstrated authority, and suddenly their field of independence expands tremendously in their teenage years and they don’t know how to handle it.” Deceit, communication problems, and disloyalty, show up in Season 3 without a healthy Season 2. Their pursuit of independence, without the leadership they needed over the last ten years leads to ignorant, self-destructive, rebellious behavior.
Often teens in today’s culture are defiant and disrespectful of authority because they have not experienced leadership and love from their parents. Many fathers have abdicated their leadership roles in the home. They have allowed themselves to become workaholics and don’t assume their rightful place as head of the family. Moreover, nowadays, many parents fear their children. It is NOT good for children to NOT have a healthy respect for adults, as that is the foundation of leadership, according to Rosemond.
I can’t imagine how difficult it is for single parents to be handling all of this on your own. Obviously, there are no easy answers to the challenges of parenting when you don’t necessarily have spouse support. I just needed to write that…However, John Rosemond strongly states that the foundation of raising your children with leadership, authority and love applies to all of us.
Sadly many parents check out before Season 3 when our kids never developed through Season 2. Lest you fathers out there think you’ve gotten off the hook with all my talk to moms about micromanaging and serving their children for too long in the last few posts, listen up! I’m getting to you!
How many of you get home from work and go right to the office or hide behind a newspaper, neglecting your family altogether? Or just as bad: get down on the floor like your son’s “buddy” and totally ignore your wife in the process? You are NOT off the hook! You also need to prioritize your marriage and make sure that leadership and authority in your home is your Modus Operandi! You must parent from the marriage where the authority of both mom and dad should be obvious to your children. Fathers must be willing to step up to the plate and deliver attention, care and unconditional love as well as discipline. Remember the phrase, “Just wait until your father gets home!”?
(Incidentally, this is where many blended families struggle: making sure that both mom and dad are equally respected as authorities in the home with their non-biological offspring. They must help each other receive that respect.)
As adults, we have to be diligent and pro-active about keeping our roles very separate with clearly defined boundaries in regard to our children. Being their friend / buddy when you still should hold a position of authority can often lead to serious consequences.
However, its the lack of a husband / father figure or even male presence in so many families these days that causes so much damage! Male role models are sorely missing. Back sixty years ago, security about Dad’s love came from Dad’s love of mom and provision for the family. When you make time spent with Dad special, its of more value to the child than constant, everyday, obligatory time. Sharing passions with your kids is irreplaceable. “Hobbies” that dads do with their sons have been replaced by “activities” that parents go to watch as spectators. Organized sports and after school activities have replaced hunting, fishing, camping, hiking and other family adventures as “Team Family” ….and that is a tragedy!
Again, if this is resonating with you, tune in tomorrow for more insights from John Rosemond on the Seasonal Model of Parenting! I hope you realize that all of this information and these insights from John Rosemond will help to free you up to be a carefree, loving parents with less stress! Even if you disagree with what I’ve written, I would covet your feedback and comments. Let's have a conversation!
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Hoping you have a great Friday and an even more wonderful weekend, with a Mother’s Day filled to overflowing with appreciation and love! Happy Mother's Day!