I've said it many times before, and I am sure I will repeat it over and over again, in the coming months and years on my blog…the best, most precious gift you can give to your children is a thriving, nurtured, loving relationship with your spouse!
Here we are, two days away from Valentine’s Day... what do you have planned?
Many would say, "Well, we can’t possibly leave our children at home…after all, we love them too and aren’t they important enough to celebrate Valentine’s Day with in the big picture? " Well, yes, I am sure you love them each with all your heart, but when it comes to celebrating Valentine’s Day, they have more than likely had all the celebrating their little hearts can hold...with heart-shaped cookies galore and valentines handed out in their classrooms or exchanged, as they get older, with their significant other!
In my opinion, there is really only one relationship that should be the focus of this day: our marital relationship! After all, our spouse is our Valentine; the one we fell in love with so many years ago. Without that person, there would be no foundation for the love we all celebrate and enjoy as a family.
What happens to so many of us, when we become moms, is that we suddenly have to shift our focus to the needs of children. Especially when they are newborns, toddlers and little people, our every waking moment is spent on taking care of them, supplying their needs, satisfying their hunger, making sure they are comfortable and safe…That is our job for that season. Don’t get me wrong, that is where we belong! We must give of ourselves wholeheartedly as moms, in the servant mode, when our children are young.
However, there will come a time (has it already?) where the marital relationship must again take center stage and the children must “orbit” around the outside, according to world-renowned family psychologist, John Rosemond. The time and energy that we spend daily, needs to shift back to the husband/wife roles, away from the mother/father roles that we have become so accustomed to…and the marriage needs to be nurtured and maintained. We need to be really intentional about setting special time aside for "just us two"! With weekly date nights (is that even possible?) we need to make sure that we are taking the time to meet each others’ needs as husband and wife. Moreover, with Valentine's Day dawning, we need to be expressing our love for each other even more fervently so that we do not become “ships passing in the night”, with our commitment to each other hanging on by a thread, if at all.
How many couples do you know (and I hope and pray that you are NOT one of them!) that have left their marriage on the back-burner too long and only now are beginning to realize that the wall between them is growing almost too tall to scale? How many couples see the romance and passion between them dying and gasping for breath at the bottom of that wall? How many couples leave their Valentine’s Day uncelebrated, and their love unexpressed in a misdirected effort to give their children everything?
Don’t let that happen to you! Celebrate Valentine’s Day this year and every year from now on, with intentionality and make it a day to remember with your spouse. Turn over a new leaf, and vow to care for your relationship with compassion and commitment. Some day, your children will be grateful that you took that time and put in that effort to keep your love-light burning and the romance alive. Don't let yourselves become another statistic! Valentine's Day is a wonderful opportunity to renew your vows to each other and rekindle the passion!