Have you ever thought about saying that to your toddler? Not that they would understand what you were talking about...but John Rosemond believes that after the age of two, Junior needs to be ousted from the center of the family limelight into an orbiting position and allow Mom and Dad to take center stage again with their marital relationship. Does that sound reasonable to you? It did to my husband and me! We have taught many marriage classes at our church and have begun to realize that one of the reasons why parents are so stressed about their children and their behavior is because the little whippersnappers at age three and older are still front and center. They are still getting way more attention from Mom and Dad, than Mom and Dad are getting from each other.
Rosemond claims that couples used to spend 80% of their time as husbands and wives and only 20% as mom and dad, whereas today, it is reversed, creeping closer to a 10/90 h/w vs. d/m ratio. That statistic alone is threatening the family in a tremendous way. We cannot be spending so little time on our marriages, especially since our marriages are the harbors to which our children sail in a storm. If there is nowhere for them to grab hold when life gets out of control and terrifying for our children, where will they go?
This parenting/marital stuff goes hand in hand whether we want to admit it or not! We can say all we want that it won't affect our children if we get divorced but that's just a way of making ourselves feel better. We can pretend that putting all our time and energy into our relationships with our children is what is expected and won't affect our marriages, but what is left? My husband and I ended up at marriage counselors three times when our children were little. I'll let you can guess when those three visits occurred... if you guessed that we went each time another son was born, you're right. The family dynamics had changed, I was breast-feeding and exhausted. No wonder!
Let's remind ourselves to focus on our marriages so we can be better parents to our kids. It makes sense really. Oh, and by the way~ don't forget to let Junior know that he is no longer the center of the universe. You'll be doing him a favor in the long run!